Who starts a new job 6 weeks out from getting married? Why add the stress? This girl. Why? Because who wants to come back from their honeymoon unhappy. Needless to say, this summer has been a bit of a whirlwind. Now, I’m less than a month out from the wedding, learning a new job, and pretty much a crazy person.
There are elements to wedding planning that you think about even before getting engaged. The givens- the dress, the venue, the flowers- the big stuff. There are things you know will be stressful- family, seating charts, money. But the last month of wedding planning is all the stuff you didn’t think about beforehand. It’s not the fairytale, it’s the logistics- what can I use to make this sign stay on the box, signs in general- like- I guess I need to label things. And then there’s the wedding and honeymoon documents- you think you’re just having a party and going on a big vacation. Little did you know, there are SO many documents and moving parts to all of it. It’s fun, don’t get me wrong, but it’s a lot. And for me, miss “I’ve got every detail covered”, it’s totally overwhelming to think that maybe I, in fact, do not. But all of the details I can handle. Now the real reason I’m writing this post: vows.
When we decided to write our own vows, I thought, “this will be easy. I write. I like to write about feelings. I’ve known him for 21 years. I’ve got this.” But no matter how elequently you write, it’s pretty damn difficult to sum up the reasons you want to spend the entirety of your life with another person, especially when that person writes just as elequently. Problem being- his writing delivers to a crowd. Mine emotes, while also presenting in a logical format. My writing has always been more fit for an educational forum. John has already written his vows- a draft anyway. Maybe I start here- with this problem. It’s not really a problem to share a desire and ability to write. I love that we can critique each other’s emails and really trust the other person’s ability to give the well thought-out feedback. But is that something you put in your vows??? There are things I want to say to him, things he kows, about how far I’ve come in my career and life due to his support and challenge to be my best self. But do I say those things in front of everyone? Maybe that’s my issue. As much as people see me as an open book, telling the world everything- there are things about our relationship that are private. And those are the reasons I love him. They are insecurities about myself that have washed away because he believes in me. Things that my strength and pride to the outside world wants to keep in our home. Balance has always been an issue for me. So how do I balance the right amount of feeling without word vomitting everywhere?
