I stopped writing for a while, and by a while… it seems I mean three years. I guess I’ve been “too busy” or thought that I was being an angsty 20-something by emoting so much. Lately though, writing and reading is all I think about. I’ve come a really long way in the past three years. I’ve accomplished almost everything I wanted to accomplish by 30. In those angsty 20-something terms, I guess you could say I’ve “found myself”. Yup, checked all the boxes- career, raises, promotions, wonderful fiance, beautiful apartment, great friends.
You start to realize at a certain point that the boxes are never all checked. Life is constantly changing, we’re constantly changing- and the second we accomplish one life milestone, the next is looming in the near distance. I’m about to be married, and all I can think about is babies. The next career milestone is always on the horizon- and at 30- the balance between work and family begins to come into question. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO IT ALL?! But we do. I’ve learned that no matter how quickly you advance your career, money is never not a problem. The problems just change form and urgency. All of our problems just change form, and continue to ebb and flow through our entire lives. For instance- my 91 year old grandparents STILL have the same stupid, petty fights that we do. That’s just the way life is.
I look back on the posts I wrote 3 years ago, and inherently, I’m still that girl… somewhere… but I’m also not. In some ways, I miss that girl. She had big hopes and dreams. She was lonely and wallowed a bit, but there was insight in that wallowing. Now I feel I just do- mechanically. What I don’t miss about that girl is the same thing. She wallowed- Now I know the what and how of changing my circumstance. It’s become second nature to not only survive, but thrive under pressure. I’m proud of that. I sometimes wish I could reach out to the people I met and have lost touch with from the first year I was here and show them the person I’ve become, but at the end of the day, I don’t need it. And that’s where I am. I’m contently a 30-year-old, media professional with all of her pieces falling into place who will always require a little bit of immediate change.
