career – Contently ImMEDIAte

#thisis30

I stopped writing for a while, and by a while… it seems I mean three years. I guess I’ve been “too busy” or thought that I was being an angsty 20-something by emoting so much. Lately though, writing and reading is all I think about. I’ve come a really long way in the past three years. I’ve accomplished almost everything I wanted to accomplish by 30. In those angsty 20-something terms, I guess you could say I’ve “found myself”. Yup, checked all the boxes- career, raises, promotions, wonderful fiance, beautiful apartment, great friends.

You start to realize at a certain point that the boxes are never all checked. Life is constantly changing, we’re constantly changing- and the second we accomplish one life milestone, the next is looming in the near distance. I’m about to be married, and all I can think about is babies. The next career milestone is always on the horizon- and at 30- the balance between work and family begins to come into question. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO IT ALL?! But we do. I’ve learned that no matter how quickly you advance your career, money is never not a problem. The problems just change form and urgency. All of our problems just change form, and continue to ebb and flow through our entire lives. For instance- my 91 year old grandparents STILL have the same stupid, petty fights that we do. That’s just the way life is.

I look back on the posts I wrote 3 years ago, and inherently, I’m still that girl… somewhere… but I’m also not. In some ways, I miss that girl. She had big hopes and dreams. She was lonely and wallowed a bit, but there was insight in that wallowing. Now I feel I just do- mechanically. What I don’t miss about that girl is the same thing. She wallowed- Now I know the what and how of changing my circumstance. It’s become second nature to not only survive, but thrive under pressure. I’m proud of that. I sometimes wish I could reach out to the people I met and have lost touch with from the first year I was here and show them the person I’ve become, but at the end of the day, I don’t need it. And that’s where I am. I’m contently a 30-year-old, media professional with all of her pieces falling into place who will always require a little bit of immediate change.

Boats, Bridges and Beginnings

Recently, I found a pier near my office. I have started coming here everyday to read, think, sunbathe, do basically anything in the grass high above the water. It has become a ritual of my lunch break. I love doing it!

Unfortunately, my temp job ends this week. I have been looking for a job for over six months. I’ve had interviews, done social networking, revamped my résumé… It’s frustrating. So, now what?

In one sense, I have another opportunity for a new beginning. In another, I am terrified!

Maybe I’ll just be a wanderer… Wander through life looking at all of the pretty things around me and reading all of the books I can get my hands on…

I don’t think that would work out too well…

I recently moved in with my boyfriend. He is a creature of habit. I am not. However, I am a creature of control. That is, I need to know that I have a secure grip on the situation at hand, i.e., a death grip. We spent the weekend reorganizing my things in the apartment to make me feel more at home. This is the one thing I can control right now. I would say my beed for control one of my best qualities at work, and worst in personal relationships.

Sometimes, you just need to let go. This year is teaching me that. For instance, I cannot control:

-my job is ending
-my living situation is not perfect
-my friends are busy people
-my boyfriend and I are both looking for jobs and cannot spend much time together
-whether or not the trains are on time

I can, however, control my response to these things.

A favorite quote of mine is, “you control your response and therein lies your freedom”. I found it in a fortune cookie. I have kept the folded fortune in my wallet for 7 years. It just stuck with me.

So this is my response…

There are many things I cannot control right now, but I CAN walk down to a pier in the beautiful sun, breathe deeply, and read a good book when I am frustrated. I CAN adjust my attitude.

Negativity is poison which consumes us and bleeds onto the people we come into contact with daily.

Now it’s your turn. How do YOU stay positive in the face of uncertainty?

Heart Forward

When things get difficult, we tend to look back, tend to see how things could have been different. Unfortunately, the life analogy of the “fork in the road” is misused. To use that analogy as a realism, the road behind the fork must turn to quicksand once we remove our foot from the place in which we stood. That is, we can’t go back.

This is more real to me than ever in New York City, a city which moves at such a rapid speed. It never stops.

My year has been full of choices. These choices have caused me to hurt others, hurt my back account, and gain 7 pounds. These same choices have caused me to make new friends, learn more about myself, and embark on a new adventure.

My temp job is ending in a week. I am terrified, but also not. My job search so far has been futile but this puts a fire under me and I am strong under pressure.

I am tempted at this moment to look back at the negative choices I made to get me here, specifically the heart I broke, but if I look back, I wallow in it, it ceases to have a purpose.

My only option is to find motivation, push forward, and to turn my mistakes into a catalyst for a better future for everyone involved.

I look at where I am.

“If I can make it here, I can make it anywhere” -Frank Sinatra

I am making it in an expensive city, getting interviews daily and at the very least, keeping my head above water.

How do you stay motivated when your past mistakes keep knocking at your back door?

Finding the Balance

Moving to a new city as an adult is difficult for many reasons. But mostly, it is a matter of balance.

How do you establish a career, learn where you’re going, and make new friends all at the same time?

As children, we are socialized. Our parents navigate our surroundings, our work depends on the bonds we form with others, and friendships are established easily by working in teams with peers with whom we spend everyday. On our off time (and we had a lot of it), we had play dates to further form these bonds.

As adults, we frankly just do a lot of stuff.

Including the time that it takes me to get to and from work, my job takes about 11 hours if my day 5 days a week, and that is on the low end for the norm of most New Yorkers. That doesn’t include getting ready in the morning, chores around the house and grocery shopping. On top of this, I am looking for a new job.

So, how do I balance this with the establishment of a social life? In truth, not well.

I find myself letting one or the other go. I am either totally wrapped up in the job search or realizing that I need close friendships and focusing my energy there.

Recently, I have developed a routine. I spend Monday nights alone decompressing, Tuesdays and Wednesdays I focus on my job search, Thursdays I try to make plans with friends, Fridays are date nights at home, and the rest of the weekend is a combination of relationship time, an hour or two of job search and one or two friend activities. This seems to work, but keeping a schedule this tight also does not leave room for flexibility, which is key in establishing new friendships.

How do you find a balance? Is there one? And the biggest question, has technology made this process easier or more difficult?

This little year of mine

This week, I turned 27.

I am officially in my late 20s. People jokingly ask if I feel any differently, and actually I do. I don’t feel settled in my career, I don’t feel old by any means, I don’t have it altogether, but for the first time, I feel like I know what “having it together” means for me. That is, I know who I am.

Knowing who I am doesn’t mean that I am finished growing and changing. This is a jumping off point. I have a desire to better myself, but I also have no desire to change vital things about my character. That insecurity is gone.

It’s true that college is the most carefree time in your life, but I wouldn’t label it as the best. I am not totally satisfied, but I do feel that I am the best me that I have been so far.

This year has been a big one full of changes, uncertainties, heartbreak, fear. Moving to New York, starting over; huge. I had lofty expectations of my career, new friendships, excitement, happy hours and exotic dinners.

Here I am, it’s 7 months later and I am still looking for the right job. I have made a few friends, but no super close bonds like I had envisioned. I am struggling financially. And I couldn’t be more me.

It’s the struggle that forces me to find happiness in little things. I walk through Central Park or on the East River when I need to think. I am the girl with her nose always in a book again. I cook. I drink wine on the balcony.

Feeling alone has its advantages. You find exactly who you are when no one else is there to tell you who you should be.